In today’s post, I’m going to attempt to answer the age-old question: Once a cheat always a cheat?
If a man has cheated before is it a guarantee that he will cheat again when he’s in a new relationship. I’ve got some powerful questions for you to ask yourself when you’re making that decision for yourself.
So I receive a lot of post requests from women asking me to write a blog post about this particular subject.
I mean it goes without saying that if a man has cheated before on somebody else, he’s already demonstrated that he is willing and able to violate the trust of another person.
Now he might say he’s got explanations as to why it happened and he might try and explain it in a thousand different ways.
But the bottom line is a man who is willing to cheat has demonstrated in my opinion a fundamental lack of respect for his past partner and a worrying lack of commitment to his previous relationships.
In my humble opinion if a man has a lack of integrity and a lack of commitment around his relationships in the past then there’s a greater chance that he’s going to repeat those actions again.
But I want you to ask yourself a few honest and powerful questions when you’re evaluating if a man who is cheated before either on somebody else or on you and whether or not you want to give him a second chance and take that risk.
The first question is: did he tell you and did he openly acknowledge that he cheated on you or did you catch him out? Did you have to catch him in the act or did he come to you and admit that he had done something wrong.
Now the reason I asked the above is that if he was self-aware and he was proactive in sharing with you, what happened, it does demonstrate that he does have some conscience about his actions and he did feel a responsibility to tell you about what he did.
So that is a good sign, however, if he made no effort to tell you and you just busted him straight out lying by checking his phone or some other method.
That shows that he was trying to hide it and the chances Are he was never going to tell you unless he was caught out .
In my opinion, that would be a strong warning sign that it’s a bigger risk than you might want to take.
The second question is: did he show actual remorse for his behavior?
So did he actually genuinely apologize when either you confronted him with this or he came to you on his own right?
Did he sincerely and genuinely apologize? That would be a great indicator that he is possibly willing to change right.
He needs to be firmly apologetic and take full ownership of his situation if he is trying to justify it. If he’s trying to provide some lengthy explanation as to why he did it or even worse, try to blame it on the person he cheated on you with those are bad signs.
If a man is not willing to take full accountability and ownership of his mistakes again, it demonstrates a lack of integrity which is going to make him clearly capable and even willing to doing it again.
The third question is: is he willing to go above and beyond and do whatever it takes to regain and earn your trust?
because the bottom line is he committed a serious breach of your trust with you or he has a habit of cheating on previous partners in past relationships and if he wants to prove you to you that he’s changed he needs to be willing to do whatever it takes.
He will need to be willing and ready to do whatever it takes to earn the right to be in your life and he will need to show that he is aware that you now have your doubts about him as a person.
If a man cheated on you or on someone else in general, then yes, he is going to be more likely to cheat again because it does demonstrate fundamentally a lack of integrity and truthfulness.
Does it mean that he absolutely will cheat again, not necessarily if he was proactive about coming to you and admitting that he had been unfaithful to you or to somebody else in the past?
If you didn’t catch him, trying to hide it, it demonstrates that he has a conscience especially if he demonstrates that he willing to take ownership of the situation.
Importantly, I would consider it a red flag, if he tries to blame it on the other woman or even worse he tries to blame it on you.
As I said earlier if he takes full responsibility then I would consider that as a man with integrity and a willingness to move forward, and if he shows consistently over time that he is willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild your trust and reconnect with you
Okay, so I think you get the idea that they will have to want to change and they have to be inspired to change because change is not natural for most people.
Now, the last question. I want you to honestly ask yourself?
Is it in your best interest to maintain or deepen a relationship with a man who has proven that he has betrayed the trust of his partners in the past?
I understand it can be scary letting go of a partner . However, you need to be honest with yourself . Are you cheating this man as though he is the only man out there are you operating from a scarcity mindset?
I guarantee you that there are other men out there who would have respect and integrity for you and themselves to never cheat.
So, please don’t settle and don’t believe that this is the only man out there and don’t feel that just because you’ve invested a lot of time and a lot of energy into him that you’ve got no choice but to maintain the relationship.
Never forget there are other possibilities for you out there, especially when you’re willing to release and free yourself from a relationship that no longer serves you and that no longer makes you feel safe.
So, while there is always a chance that if a man is really committed, he can change his ways and he can be different in a relationship with you. You’ve got to ask yourself: is it worth taking that risk and potentially wasting a lot of your time and a lot of energy on someone who’s already demonstrated that maybe a committed relationship isn’t really what he wants.
So I hope this answered that question. As always I’d love to hear your shares in the comments. section and please share this article with someone who you think needs to read it Male or female.
Can men change? Is it worth taking the time for you to do so? Thanks for reading x